Open Letter to Tire Slasher

entry_55Oops, bad move. See, the way you know that someone else is already parking in the place that you just noticed is: you see them backing into it. It’s fair to call this behavior universal, and as such it’s hard to imagine how it could have taken you by surprise to such an extent that you would so brutally assassinate my tire when the coast was clear. And I certainly can’t imagine that the act was worth the diarrhea and impotence that you suffered once my voodoo curse on you took hold, let alone the nightmares, the high ringing sound, or the spider eggs that keep hatching from the large pores around your nose. Rest assured that the atrophy to your tongue will abate once you finally stop calling mommy to make the air-vipers go away. Just relax and enjoy the colors while your eyes can still perceive them, because the end of this ride is much darker indeed.

One thought on “Open Letter to Tire Slasher

  1. Lunch meat soaked in gasoline makes an excellent addition to anyone’s automobile hood – not to mention a lasting impression.